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A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in nine holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him.

To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball - and directly between his ball and the green.

After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age I'd hit the ball right over that tree."

With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.

The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only three feet tall."

That is (supposedly) a true story and the "old man" was Sammy Sneed. Funny stuff! This one is one of my all time favorites:
A nun goes to confession and says, "Forgive me father, I have sinned.
I am guilty of using bad language."
The priest says, "Tell me how it happened my child."
The nun says, "Well i was playing golf and I hit an amazing tee shot, but the ball hit a telephone wire and only went about 40 yards."
"I see," said the priest, "is this when when you swore?"
"No," said the nun, "Because when the ball landed a squirrel picked it up and ran away with it."
"I see," said the priest, "Is this when you swore?"
"No," said the nun, "Because then an eagle swooped down and grabbed the squirrel and flew off with it.
"I see," said the priest, "Is this when you swore?"
"No," said the nun, "Because the eagle flew over the green and the squirrel dropped the ball only 2 inches away from the hole."
at hearing this the priest put his head in his hands and said YOU MISSED THE ****ING PUTT DIDNT YOU.

I like that.
That's a really good one too!

so a guy and his wife went to France for they're 25th aniversary...the flight was long and they squabbled over every little thing, they arrived and one didn't like the accomodations, the other didn't like the itenerary for the trip and what they saw first, gripe gripe gripe.....finally they just decided they were hungry and maybe the to long since they ate tired was just causing all the problems...
they walked into a nice resturant and the mait'tre'd walked up and asked what they wanted to eat, the guy says" i want a lrge Porterhouse steak medium rare" the waiter asked "but sir, what about le Mad Cow"????
"she'll have a salad........."

Billy Graham was returning to Charlotte after a speaking engagement and when his plane arrived there was a limousine there to transport him to his home. As he prepared to get into the limo, he stopped and spoke to the driver.

"You know" he said, "I am 87 years old and I have never driven a limousine. Would you mind if I drove it for a while?"

The driver said, "No problem. Have at it."
Billy gets into the driver's seat and they head off down the highway. A short distance away sat a rookie State Trooper operating his first speed trap. The long black limo went by him doing 70 in a 55 mph zone. The trooper pulled out and easily caught the limo and he got out of his patrol car to begin the procedure.

The young trooper walked up to the driver's door and when the glass was rolled down, he was surprised to see who was driving.

He immediately excused himself and went back to his car and called his supervisor.

He told the supervisor, "I know we are supposed to enforce the law... but I also know that important people are given certain courtesies. I need to know what I should do because I have stopped a very important person."

The supervisor asked, "Is it the governor?"

The young trooper said, "No, he's more important than that."

The supervisor said, "Oh, so it's the president."

The young trooper said, "No, he's even more important than that."

The supervisor finally asked, "Well then, who is it?"

The young trooper said, "I think it's Jesus, because he's got Billy Graham for a chauffeur!"

Nice!

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."


This joke is very true. LoL

Golfer Goes to the Emergency Room

A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.
"Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball... stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. "That's when I made my mistake."

"What did you do?" asks the doctor.

"Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, Hey, this looks like yours!"

The guy's wife is in a coma. She's been that way for weeks. He's sitting by her hospital bed when his cell phone rings. It's an invitation to tee it up with some old friends. He thinks about it and rationalizes, "Hey, she's getting great care and there's nothing I can do." So, an hour later he's on the first tee. Five hours later he returns to the hospital and is immediately greeted by his wife's doctor. "We've been trying to reach you for hours. Your wife has come out of the coma. You have a tough road ahead of you...attending to her every physical need...every minute of every day...meals, meds, baths, etc". Our hero is stone faced and ashen. The doctor slaps him on the back and says, "I was just messing with you...she died a couple of hours ago...play all the golf you want!"

Off the seventh tee, Joe sliced his shot deep into a wooded ravine. He took his eight iron and clambered down the embankment in search of his lost ball.

After many long minutes of hacking at the underbrush, he spotted something glistening in the leaves. As he drew nearer, he discovered that it was an eight iron in hands of a skeleton!

Joe immediately called out to his friend, "Jack, I've got trouble down here!"

"What's the matter?" Jack asked from the edge of the ravine.

"Bring me my wedge," Joe shouted. "You can't get out of here with an eight iron!"