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The club duffer challenged the local golf pro to a match, with a $100 bet on the side. "But," said the duffer, "since you're obviously much better than I, to even it a bit you have to spot me two 'gotchas'."

The golf pro didn't know what a 'gotcha' was, but he went along with it. And off they went. Coming back to the 19th hole, the rest of the club members were amazed to see the golf pro paying the duffer $100.

"What happened?" asked one of the members.

"Well," said the pro, "I was teeing up for the first hole, and as I brought the club down, that jerk grabbed my butt, then yelled 'Gotcha!' Have you ever tried to play 18 holes of golf waiting for the second 'gotcha'?"

All of the ones I know are either dirty or racist....or both.

that's a keeper! you can almost envision that.

The year 1923

HISTORY LESSON. In 1923, who was:

1. President of the largest steel company?
2. President of the largest gas company?
3. President of the New York Stock Exchange?
4. Greatest wheat speculator?
5. President of the Bank of International Settlement?
6. Great Bear of Wall Street?

These men were considered some of the world's most
successful of their day. Now, 80 years later, the history book asks
us, if we know what ultimately became of them.

The answers:

1. The president of the largest steel company, Charles
Schwab, died a pauper.
2. The president of the largest gas company, Edward Hopson,
went insane.
3. The president of the NYSE, Richard Whitney, was released
from prison to die at home.
4. The greatest wheat speculator, Arthur Cooger, died
abroad, penniless.
5. The president of the Bank of International Settlement,
shot himself.
6. The Great Bear of Wall Street, Cosabee Livermore, also
committed suicide.

However, in that same year, 1923, the PGA Champion and the winner of
the most important golf tournament, the US Open, was Gene Sarazen.

What became of him?

He played golf until he was 92, died in 1999 at the age of 95. He was
financially secure at the time of his death.

The moral:

Forget work. Play golf.

I can hang with that!

Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract's sick-leave provisions.

One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, "This man," he announced, "called in sick yesterday!"

There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score.

The silence in the room was broken by a union negotiator.

"Wow," he said. "Just think of the score he could have had if he wasn't sick!"

Why doesn't the European Ryder Cup Team have any French players?























They didn't want them conceding the hole on the tee box!

This is the transcript of an actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995.

Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations on November 10, 1995.

Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS, AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

One of the best golf jokes I've read in a while!

I'll just make one up for ya...

"What do you call a made freethrow by Shaq?"

"A mulligan." :)

An oldie but a goodie....

A man is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, "It's not a ship." The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, "It's not a boat." The speck gets even closer and he thinks, "It's not a raft." Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and says, "How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"

"Ten years!", he says.

She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes.

He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag, and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!"

Then she asked, "How long has it been since you've had a drink of whiskey?"

He replies, "Ten years!"

She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and gives it to him.

He takes a long swig and says, "Wow, that's fantastic!"

Then she starts unzipping a longer zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, "And how long has it been since you played around?"

And the man replies, "Wow! Don't tell me that you've got golf clubs in there too!"

heard this one the other day as i recall:

Jesus and Moses are playing golf up in heaven. Off the tee Jesus smacks his ball right into the water hazard. He turns to moses and says "part the water for me so i can hit my ball." So Moses parts the water and Jesus finds his ball and says to Moses, "I believe I'll use my 1 iron, that should put me right on the green from here." Moses looks to Jesus and remarks I think you should use the pitching wedge and just get back on the fairway." Jesus says "No way, If Tiger Woods can do it, than so can I", and he takes a whack at it with the 1 iron and his ball goes right back into the water. "Moses, come part this water for me so i can hit my ball," Jesus says. Moses says I will only part the water this time if you will use the pitching wedge. Jesus remarks, "No I will use my 1 iron, If Tiger Woods can do it, then so can I." So Jesus walks out onto the water in search of his ball. A guy on a nearby hole sees a man walking on water and remarks to Moses, "Hey!, who does that guy think he is, Jesus or something?" Moses replies, "No, he thinks he's Tiger woods..."

Check out snopes.com, this never actually happened.

Sorry, gotta stand up for the Navy, we are a little better at navigation that that!