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Steven Spielberg was holding a very special meeting where he discussed his new project...an action biopic about famous composers starring top movie stars. Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwarzenegger were all present.

Spielberg needed the box office 'oomph' of these superstars, so he was prepared to allow them to select whatever composers they would portray.

"Chopin has always been my favorite, and my image would improve if people saw me playing the piano," said Willis. "I'll play him."

"I've always been partial to Strauss and his waltzes," said Stallone. "I'd like to play him."
Spielberg was very pleased with these choices. "Sounds splendid."
Then, looking at Schwarzenegger, he asked, "Who do you want to be, Arnold?"
Arnold replied, "I'll be Bach."

I guess I like bad jokes...can't believe I read all that.

Shade

I'll admit, I chuckled. Another quick baddie :

"Knock, knock"
"Who's there?"
"Panther"
"Panther who?"
"panther no panth, I'm goin swimming."

I think when I shwim in my panth.

Wow, this forum has sunk to an all time slump , lol though i cant reallt talk mine ar worse

Strange, but sometimes the stupidest ones make you laugh the hardest!

What's the difference between a Bill Clinton and a carp?
One's a scum sucking bottom feeder and the other's a fish.

Fred got home from his Sunday round of golf later than normal and very tired. "Bad day at the course?" his wife asked.
"Everything was going fine," he said. "Then Harry had a heart attack and died on the 10th tee."
"Oh, that's awful!"
"You're not kidding. For the whole back nine it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry."

The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel. "Your holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match." The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held a golf club in his life.

"Not to worry," said the Cardinal, "we'll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus. We'll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres... We can't lose!" Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack was honored and agreed to play.
The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match. "I came in second, your Holiness," said Nicklaus.
"Second?!!" exclaimed the surprised Pope. "You came in second to Shimon Peres?!!"
"No," said Nicklaus, "second to Rabbi Woods."

I'm 65 so here are a few from the past.
1. Old age is when you bend over to tie your shoelaces and wonder if there's anything else you can take care of since you're down there.
2. Old guy aging: first you forget to zip up, then you forget to zip down.
3. My doctor told me not to worry if I start forgetting phone numbers, but if I can't remember what a phone is used for....
4. George Burns was asked what his doctor said about smoking cigars when he was in his 90s. Burns replied, "My doctor's dead."

I have a joke told to me by a former French matire d' I worked with:
What is the difference between American coffee and making love in the bottom of a canoe on the middle of a lake?

Nothing...
They are both ********** near water!

He couldn't tell the joke without taking a pause for a little self indulgent laughter, but it is my favorite dumb joke...

I just got this one in an email yesterday....


What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?

Christopher Walken.

OOOOOOH! I'm putting up my lightning rod!!!

Needs more cowbell!