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Oh, ok It was a good joke then....

A man walks into a dental surgery. He asks the dentist for an estimate on how much it`ll cost to have two wisdom teeth removed.
"Well" says the dentist," To minimise the pain, I`d need to have two dental assistants, 8 numbing injections would have to be administered and then there`s the sewing up of the gums after removal of the teeth. I couldn`t do it for less than £100"
"Hmmm, sounds expensive. Is there anyway you could do it for less?"says the man.
"Well, maybe I could manage with one assistant, just administer 4 injections but still sew up the gums afterwards. But I could do it for £50."
"Hmmm, sounds expensive.Is there anyway you could do it for any less?"again says the man.
"Well" says the dentist scratching his head " Maybe I could manage on my own, administer no injections and not stitch the gums up and just hope they`ll heal themselves, but I could do it for £25"
"Hmmm, still sounds too expensive to me, is there anyway you could do it for less?" once again says the man.
"Well" says the dentist, getting somewhat exasperated " Look, maybe I could forget the dental assistants,forget the injections,forget sewing up the gums and just knock the gums with a small rock hammer and they should just pop out...I could do that for £10...but that`s my absolute minimum" he says in a clipped tone.
"No that`ll be fine" says the man "Book my wife in for next Tuesday.."

my X too

A woman from Iowa and another from the East coast were seated
side-by-side on an airplane. The woman from Iowa, being friendly
and all, said: "So, where are you from?" The East coast woman said,
"From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at
the end of a sentence."

The woman from Iowa sat quietly for a few moments and then
replied:

"So, where are you from, ?"

What do you call 54 millionaires watching the Super Bowl ?


















The Detroit Lions

A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple
bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his
throat.
Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.

Well, it was like this", said the man. "I was having a quiet
round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced
our ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was
rooting around noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end."

I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf
ball with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of
the cow's butt."

"That's when I made my big mistake."

"What did you do?" asks the doctor. "

"Well, I lifted the cow's tail and yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this
looks like yours!'."

"I don't remember much after that."

Bubba Joe's first military assignment was to a military induction
center, and, because he was a good talker, they assigned him the duty of
advising new recruits about the government benefits, especially the GI
insurance to
which they were entitled.

Before long the Captain in charge of the induction center began noticing
that Bubba was getting a 99% sign up for the top GI insurance.
This was odd, because it would cost these poor inductees nearly $30.00
per month more for their higher coverage than what the government was
already granting. The Captain decided that he would not ask Bubba Joe
about his
selling techniques but that he would sit in the back of the room and
observe
Bubba's sales pitch.

Bubba Joe stood up before his latest group of inductees and stated, "If
you have the normal GI insurance and go to Iraq and are killed, the
government pays your beneficiary $6,000." "If you take out the
supplemental GI insurance
(which will cost you an additional $30.00 per month), the government
pays your beneficiary $200,000."

"NOW," Bubba concluded, "which bunch do you think they're gonna send
into battle first?"

You've surpassed yourself with that one, boomer.


That one sounds a bit too plausible... I'd give it a nervous laugh.

Two old guys are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they
collide.

First Old Guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I
guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

The second old guy says, "That's OK. What a coincidence. I'm looking
for my wife, too. Can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."

The first old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her. What
does she look like?"

The second old guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red
hair, blue eyes, long legs, big busted, and is wearing short shorts. What
does your wife look like?"

First old guy, "Never mind; let's look for yours."

Blonde Buys Curtains

February 8th, 2004 (No.1979)
AskMen.com Rates This Joke: 7/10

A blonde enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains."

The salesman assures her that they have a large selection of pink curtains.

He shows her several patterns, but the blonde seems to be having a hard time choosing. Finally, she selects a lovely pink floral print.

The salesman asks what size curtains she needs.

The blonde replies, "Fifteen inches."

"Fifteen inches? " asks the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?"

The blonde tells him that they aren't for a room, they are for her computer monitor.

The surprised salesman replies, "But, Miss, computers do not have curtains!"

The blonde says, "Hellllooooooooo...I've got Windows!"



don't ya just love blondes?

In the interest of fairness... a couple for the ladies -

Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than women?

When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.


Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners?

So men can understand them.


What do you call a woman that works like a man?

A lazy .


How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?

No one knows, it's never happened.

Joe took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe.

I want to get weighed," she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser.
He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.

Next, the couple went on the Ferris Wheel. When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do.

"I want to get weighed," she said.

Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.

The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. "I want to get weighed," she responded.

By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.

Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?"

Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."

for those of you with Daughters.....her are some ground rules you may want......

~*~DADDY'S TEN RULES OF DATING~*~
Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes to big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "Early."

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka--zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car--there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

~*~DADDY'S TEN RULES OF DATING~*~

Boomer: Laughed my fool head off. good one. and yes, all those innocent young energetic males should take heed with Boomer around. He didn't get that nickname for nothing. the last one probably still has grooves still stuck in those extra-large jeans. "the 9-iron affect".

Funny stuff there Boomer! Barely under the GR radar , but funny stuff!