golfrewind.com

Since taking the game up again three months ago, two things are much better than they used to be; my driving and my putting.

I find that when I allow any kind of thought into my mind, whether it be of golf or or that hot looking chick from the Black Eyed Peas that I screw up my swing. But when I get my mind to be a blank morass of zero, I can really crush the ball off the tee. No thinking of grip pressure, weight shift, or anything else. Just nothing.

Same with putting. I always keep track of how many putts I take per round and I'm usually around 34-37 but never more than 37. I look at the green and see the hole but nothing about break or distance comes into my brain. I look, but somehow don't think and I end up three putting about once a round.

For some reason I can't get this Homer Simpson like zone to work for me with my irons and wedges though. Probably because those are the weakest parts of my game and so I'm always worrying over them.

I'm considering a lobotomy and maybe even some light electroshock therapy so that I can improve my scores. But the wife's all crazy about me being able to work and bring in money to support the family. Every time I've brought up the topic of creating skull space so that my brain isn't taking up so much unneeded room she just brushes me off by rolling her eyes and saying "You're an idiot". But I'm not an idiot! That's the problem.

I can only imagine how wonderful it would be to shamble up to my ball like Jack Nicholson from One Flew Over the Coocoo's Nest (post surgery) with my 4 iron in hand and then pure the ball from 200 yards out to within 3 feet of the pin. I'd look like one of Romero's mindless extras but what a golfer I'd be.

But people just want to stand in my way with all these ideas of responsibility and sanity.

Now, the problem there would be that with a lobotomy, would you really have any idea what club to hit? I guess thats why you have a caddy, but...I'll give it to you; even that THOUGHT is evidence of you being totally extreme.

Honestly, the only thing like that I do is this thing when driving. What I do when I am really in the grove (not trying to fix something in my swing, just letting it happen) is I envision myself with no shoes, a tee shirt and shorts on the end of a long peer looking out onto the ocean. I cannot see anything but the very end of the peer and then infinite blue water. I cannot hit anything with my shot; no trees, no rough, nothing. Wherever the ball goes it lands just the same in the open water. Then I hit. Kind of Zen. I like it.

Yeah, I tried that approach. I forget where I heard from but it was some famous instructor advising that one just imagine "the entire Atlantic ocean" when they teed off. That made me think of the Atlantic Ocean where Atlantic City is located off of which made me think of that time in the army when me and my buddy drove up there from Fort Knox and blew all our money. That was also the time I set the back of my pants on fire because I had two packs of matches in my back pocket that were both open so when I pulled one out, the flint rubbed against the other pack and one second I was trying to decide to double down and the next second the Philipino blackjack dealer with one thumb was urgently telling me "You on fire! You on fire!" So that whole, "Just hit it into the ocean" thing didn't work for me.

Wednesdays at the Pro Shop. Between 3 and 4PM. Fully licensed. Ask for Ernie.

So, did you double down?

I`ve mentioned this before some time ago but if you press your tongue firmly against the roof of your mouth, this action has a quietening effect on the mind. This technique is used for yoga.

I must admit it feels strange when you first try it on the course , but it does block out some of zillion unwanted thoughts that can go through your mind when addressing the ball. Padraig Harrington uses this method to aid his concentration. Although he goes so far as to gently bite his tongue throughout his swing. If you look closely you`ll notice he often has his tongue poking out after he`s hit the ball.




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