golfrewind.com

i have been searching the threads and don't see anything about advice on how to handle it...would love to get her to join the game with me , but, please, suffice it to say, this is not the answer.

the main problem is the time! and to some degree the expense , the game demands to get better... the wife cannot help to lord over me with this...

maybe this is an unsolvable problem. certainly an age old problem...

is there a solution....beleaguered....

Yeah, "Honey, I'm going golfing, see you later".
End of conversation.

Get her a 5 or 10 pack of lessons. If she is any good at it she will probably stick with it. It not she will quit.

Mine took 10 or 12 lessons and she just did not have the strength to play. (She has MS).

I guess the real question is do you want her golfing????

brianf

Mine has made a couple of attempts to take up the game. Only one was serious. She gave it up, which is probably for the best as she is not very athletically inclined it would've made for some very long rounds. I play a couple of times per week and am lucky to be able to do so mid-week, early afternoons. Consequently, there is no "time" issue for me at least. As for money, having a a lot of it is important... and letting her spend it on whatever she chooses is even more imortant....let's see...new kitchen, new living room, 2 new bathrooms, backyard multi-tiered pond, trips to SF, NY & Chicago with her girlfriend. It is a dance that is still a work in progress after over 20 years.

Does this have to be shared with your wife? Doesn't she have her things, and you have yours? Then set budgets accordingly--both money and time.

When I was married (no golf wasn't the cause of the divorce) (I don't think) (and at this point, I don't care hehe) I got the earliest tee time possible. Often, my wife was still in bed when I was teeing off, then I'd be home by lunchtime--I'd often bring a "treat" home, etc.

One of the publinx courses near me has an open area where you can shag balls--bring your own, hit them, fetch them, do it again. I've spent many hours there working on my chipping and pitches--all for free (well, you have to have a county card for the season that costs $25).

Introduce her to the wives of your golfing buddies.

If your wife hates golf and hates you being away, that's a problem beyond the scope of my expertise.

Right now, I'm middle-aged and single. I have the great luxury of not looking to start a family or build a new house. All I want is the right woman--preferably in the 80s.

I don’t mean to sound like a Neanderthal, be chauvinistic, irresponsible, or selfish when it comes to spousal/family obligations, etc. However, when it comes to “my” golf, I tend to agree with the good folks at Nike: I “just do it.” I just go.

Even at my age (57) and the years that I have already been married (too many to count anymore), I still get occasional and serious grief about the time that I spend away from the homestead, whether it be time spent “trying to eek out a living” (I am self –employed) or time spent playing golf and improving my game. The way that I figure it is that I don’t drink or smoke too much, gamble, or chase after fast women---at least I don’t anymore. Golf seems to be a more than even trade-off and I might point out, "a much more constructive use of my time". I figure that any right thinking wife ought to think the same way and be more than happy with this (i.e. golf) trade-off and this approach to life in general. Heck, I'm satisfied with it. Why shouldn't she feel the same way?

Of course, I’ve never actually said any of this to the wife's face. (I am no fool.) But this is what I am thinking it as I hurriedly slink out of the house to the golf course or the driving range.

they would rather have you "at home"...but when you really analyze the true time spent together , is that quality time? no. more like couch potato or doing chores separately, or watching the kids while she shops is more like it....
there is this certain thing about giving in and compromising. IMHO, they just want more the next time, never satisfied, it is in their genes to keep pushing to win this issue......draw the line men!...

Well I guess I am lucky because I have never had to deal with my wife not liking or liking golf. Play when I want and if I have no to go with and she is not busy she will gone alone and caddie for me she enjoys the time out on the course, by the way we have married for 38 years.

You’re right Jake. What they really want is for us to do is whatever THEY SAY for us to do. This “lack of quality time” issue IS a bit of a crock. Seems to me that much of the so called quality time spent around the homestead is used doing pretty mundane stuff. There is not a lot of quality time spent in peaceful contemplation, cooking for me, or even us engaged in a spontaneous quickie. (“It’s daytime. The kids will know what we’re doing in here with the door closed”, Sweetcheeks says.)

We are at the stage where we can complete each other’s sentences and she already knows MY opinions on the really important issues of the times in which we live, such as what Brad and Angelina should have really named their baby (“How does Moonbeam sound, Muffin”?), did Barry Bonds really do steroids (“You bet your sweet **** that he did, Babycakes!”), who do you think will win American Idol (“The producers of the show, Sweetbottom. They’ve made millions already") and what was the plot of Mission Impossible 1 ("I don't know Honeybear. You be better off asking Tom Cruise but I don't think that even he knows.)

Anyway, since me and Babycakes don’t need to spend a bunch of time discussing those issues, etc., I figure that I should spend any non-working, daytime hours playing golf and working on my game.

Yes, Jake, you’ve got this part of the war between the sexes all figured out. Of course if you think that you will ever totally figure out the other side…well, you’ve got about as much chance of doing that as you do in hitting a 1-iron. I’m told that that even God can’t hit a one iron and neither can Tiger.

My wife and I are best friends and she doesn't play golf, nor does she have any intention of playing - which is fine with me. She has no problem with me playing anytime, as long as I don't run out and play everyday. I, too am self employed and work a lot and she knows it's good for me to get work outta my head for a bit. It relaxes me and I'm much less stressed out at home. She has her own activities which I have no intention of joining. She too, works a full time job. Consequently we have our own time and our together time. Our kids are 14 and 16 and have their own things to do. We have plenty of time for family things.
We think it's important to have time to do our own things. We also understand that if we spent all our free time together, we'd drive eachother nuts. BTW, we've been happily married for 18 years.

About the 1 iron - Jack Nicklaus could hit one and it was Lee Trevino who said that "only God and Jack Nicklaus can hit a 1 iron" - or something to that effect.

I've posted this before, so apologies to those who've already heard it.

Time and money spent on golf have never been an issue in our marriage. Regarding time, Mrs Somebody is a gardener and she's happy to do her gardening while I'm golfing (fact is, she spends more time gardening than I spend golfing, and that's fine with me; she really enjoys it).

Regarding money: We've always been DINKs (Double Income, No Kids), and to avoid money arguments, we have 3 checking accounts: His, Hers, and Ours. We each contribute to our joint account (I earn more, so I contribute more). We use our individual accounts for our individual expenses, including hobbies. I have no say over how much she spends on gardening; she has no say over my golf expenses. Works well for us, but I suspect this arrangement wouldn't be possible for other people.

Would I want her to play golf? I know golfing couples who use golf to socialize with other golfing couples. They seem to enjoy that. Maybe in retirement I can persuade Mrs Somebody to come along and NOT play until the group gets to the green (at which point she could participate in the putting). But for me, anyway, it's not important.

My wife took up golf while we were dating so we could share something that was important to me. I never pushed her, but used encouragement instead. When we first began playing I was able to teach her well enough until she got near 100 for 18 holes, then offerred her a set of lessons from our teaching pro when she made it into the 90's. Also, every time we went out we played a match for lunch or dinner (she got a lot of strokes, and if she hadn't played much recently, some mulligans also - I win about once a year). We hit the practice range and putting green weekly and I share golf stories and history often. We've been playing several times a week for years and she has come to love the game. Anyway, this positive approach worked well and we look forward to playing many more years together.

This seems to be an issue of experience and maturity of the relationship. It's tough to have your wife/husband accept golf as a major element in a young relationship, when so many other important issues are not resolved or decided upon.

I think if you're thinking in terms of your wife being a manipulator, controlling person, or adversary--like you need "permission"-- take a moment to put your priorities and true loves in order, because your choice will be your future.

Well, I for one have taught my wife to play golf. Y'all know her, and she is my favorite golf buddy. I would rather play a round of golf with Pings than a round with any of my golf buddies. Yes, we have that much fun on the course.

Prior to Pings taking up the game, my time spent playing with the guys was never an issue. I played golf and she did what she wanted to do. A lasting relationship is about maturity, and it's a two way street. If one or both of you can't grasp that concept then the marriage will have problems, golf being the least of it. Good luck with yours.