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WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U.S. PRESIDENT, DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN, GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?


My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed.

Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.

This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now time to begin the reckoning.




Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the countries listed there.

The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.

The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world ****-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.

Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. **** with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.


Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.

I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.


I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York

A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not **** us off for a change.

Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put them? Yep, border security.


Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty - starting now.

We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be drilling for oil in Alaska - which will take care of this country's oil needs for decades to come. If you're an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there. They care.

It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, "darn tootin."

Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America. To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thank you guys. We owe you and we won't forget.


To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak Arabic.

God bless America. Thank you and good night.

If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier.

Great post both funny and sadly eye-opening at the same time. Kind of funny how things happen and we are the first to help but kind of deafening silence in the aftermath of Katrina...of course, normally those that we are helping have nothing to send us in terms of assistance which is probably the reason for the "one-way street."

While I'm of the same opinion as you are boomer, there is the potential for this to turn ugly. The other thread here concerning political views has gone pretty well so far, so I hope this one can be handled in the same mature and intellectual fashion.

I heard that Germany has actually offered assistance. Danke schoen! (My German is very rusty and I can't find my German-English dictionary, so I apologize for any misspelling.)

It was sent to me on e-mail today......I just thought i would share it. Although i do agree with some of it..........

I can't say I totally disagree in principle. Unfortunately there are countries that are composed of a population that have little say in its leadership, for various reasons, cultural, economical, educational, etc... Good people, but bad leaders.

I guess there is a reason we have diplomats.

ELECT ME PRESIDENT and I'll use it pretty much verbatim for my Inaguration Speech...

Looks like you'll be turning 35 next April....better get that campaign up and running!

JC for PRESIDENT!!!!

Except, there's no oil producing companies on that short list. So, if you're the same people complaning about gas being $3 a gallon, how are you going to feel when it soon costs more to fill up your car than it did to buy your car, or send your kids to college. So no, it wouldn't be nice to hear that. It would be a disaster.

Due to the evolution of a global economy, ideas like this are nice, but in no way realistic. While certainly I am all for a decrease in foreign charity in favor of shaping up our own country, we're kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place. Its neither likely, nor intelligent to do so.

Living in Cali, I'm one of em, but wouldn't that force some to use their "brains" and come up with other forms of energy to use?
Why are we so dependant on what is "pushed" on us year after year?
There are plenty of "ideas" that are never brought to fruition due to the pressure of the "money makers" to keep them down and obscure.

No one is forcing us to use our cars are they? <even though I put about 100 a day each way on mine for work/kids and business interests.>

But if it was too big a deal, I'd find another way to go about it.
Homeschooling, Telecommuting, and change of lifestyle.

Good ole ingenuity.

I agree with you that we would find another way if we couldn't use our cars. Thats why i actually think the rising gas prices are one of the best things for our nations, its forcing us to decrease our dependence on oil. But its doing it at a slow pace, whereas if we implemented this thread's suggested foreign aid proposal, it would hit about $3000 a gallon.

That kind of significant hit would pretty much cripple our economy. It has far more reaching effects than filling up your gas tank. You suddenly wouldn't be able to afford energy for your house, there would be no food at the grocery save what is grown within the distance of a horse-cart. Hospitals would suddenly cease to operate due to energy costs causing massive disease outbreaks. Its little more complicated than not driving your car, which I agree we could all learn how to do.

I'm just saying, while the post brings out some excellent points, implementing this would produce a result that dwarfs the Holocaust (as vile an act as has ever been committed by human hands). And I don't mean disrespect to Holocaust victims by that (like my wife's grandfather), it was one of the greatest atrocities in history.

Agree. So, on to another "rant" since not much we can probably add to this.

Why do we as "smart" humans continue to pour money into entertainment instead of for just one year maybe, actually pay attention to our problems and either "get rid of some of the useless politicians", divert money to needed programs, needs.....etc......but basically do an audit of ourselves (country) instead of being hypoctites (general statement there, not specific to anyone) and FIX some problems.
I see more people rushing to get to the local ball park, than to the polls on election day.
I see youth who are being "led" to pursue forms of entertainment for work, instead of other endeavors.
Or maybe I'm too hard on my kids when I ask them "What "difference" will you make in the world?" instead of "What do you want to be?".

I'm not sure at what price it would become economically viable, and I know there are some environmental concerns about it, but...if the technology were available to extract oil from the oil shale and sand deposits of the Utah, Wyoming and Colorado (~ 1.5 trillion gallons, from what I've read), then our concerns about dependence on Middle Eastern oil would become a thing of the past. :nodsmiley I would think with all the problems we've had and the huge increase in oil prices recently that the wheels would be set in motion to find a way to get it out soon.

My 3 year old tells people he wants to be a golf professional like daddy. I tell them, no, he really wants to be a MEMBER...lol. Obviously he will be encouraged to do what he likes and hopefully it makes a difference rather than just a paycheck.