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You know it...the proverbial "whatever you do, don't...." warning. It comes about in all sorts of different situations, from the harmless to life-threatening. Most of the time you trust it and avoid whatever it is, but sometimes, curiosity just gets the better of you and you decide to test your luck a little. Sometimes it pays off and nothing happens, but other times, some odd, funny or embarrassing moments happen. Anyone have anything good to share about your ignorance in failing to heed the warning of the obviously wiser person?

Here's my story:

I was maybe 13 years old, and one of the things I was beginning to do more at that time was mowing the yard. Now, I'd "mowed" before, but basically it was trimwork with the pushmower or weedeater...this was with the rider though (our yard is big, ~3 acres, so it's definitely something that has to be mowed with a riding mower). I'd mowed a few times before and the only part of the yard that scared me at all was the embankment that formed the side of our septic tank sand mound. It was pretty steep and although I made it with ease pretty much every time, there was sometimes a little spinning or digging of the wheels before I made it all the way up.

As my luck would have it, on a dewy June morning, dad decided it was time to mow the yard. He was doing something in the garage and had me start mowing. Before I started, he said the magic words...."Whatever you do, don't put the tractor in third gear. You can't control it at that speed. If you have any problems, just come get me." And off I went...I ran it in first mostly then, until I got more sure of myself and made a few passes...the lower side of our yard is flanked by the driveway, with an embankment separating the two, and I wanted to be sure to go slow and keep the tractor steady along there. So I started my pass around the lower edge of the yard.

When I got to the edge of the sand mound, I was creeping my way up it....when my worst fear came to fruition....the mower kept spinning and spinning on the wet grass...and stopped!! So I backed down and back farther, determined to get a little more of a running start at it. I slipped it into 2nd gear, released the clutch, hit the hill....and was promptly stopped in my tracks 2/3 of the way up the hill again!! So by now I'm a little frustrated, and determined to make it up that darned hill, I backed up a little farther....and broke the golden advice my dad had given me...put the mower into 3rd gear.

Now, you might think the story ends in disaster right here, like the wrath of God comes down on me and a lightning bolt strikes me dead, or at least a creature of the forest warns my dad that his son is about to do something so stupid, so vile, that he'd have stopped me beforehand, but it didn't. In fact, I even made it to the hill to attempt an Evel Knievel-like daring stunt up the 15 foot incline to jump the...uhh...well, I dunno, something. Well, fact is, I got stuck...again. :letitallo So I backed down again and decided now would be a good time to go get dad and let him deal with Satan's Sandmound himself.

I backed the mower up so I could make a turn around the apple tree nearby and head up the hill to the garage. I was facing down the hill. Of course, the fastest way to get up there would be to tempt the fates a second time and put the tractor in 3rd gear. I pushed it into gear and went to make my turn around the apple tree...but ya see, a funny thing happened....with the speed I gathered quickly, the tractor didn't turn.....and the brake wasn't seeming to help any!!

Needless to say, I was in a pickle...suddenly, I was about to drive our rather expensive riding mower over the "embankment," which was more like a 50 foot cliff...or at least it seemed to this kid (actually, it was about 8 or 10 feet, but that wasn't really relevant to me at the time )!! My life was flashing before my eyes...I wasn't sure which imminent death would be worse....the one where I'd be crushed to pieces by the weight of a lawnmower, or the one where I lived, but was subsequently killed by my father for destroying our mower. Now, I wasn't exactly stupid, so I did what any sensible kid would do...I decided going out in a ball of flames was much preferable to my dad's punishment.

OK, so actually I bailed...I landed on my hands, but surprisingly suffered no more than a stoved finger. The mower wasn't quite so lucky...the battery and a few other important implements under the "hood" were scattered about the driveway, and the front axle was bent somewhat. But, somehow, we salvaged it, and still have the mower today. I don't remember my punishment anymore, and somehow my dad was understanding (after all, my grandparents say he and his brothers used their lawnmowers in makeshift demolition derbies when they were kids ) and I lived through that part as well. But there was that little patch the embankment that was conspicuously devoid of vegetation for a while, and I was informed not to attempt to even things out! I was also the butt of jokes about it for a while, but hey, I'm used to that by now.

If you have made it to the end of this story, congratulations....but now it's time for your runin with the rejection of those famous words..."Whatever you do, dont...."

Wow man, that was some story, glad I'd taken an Evelyn Wood speed reading class, just kidding.

Well now. What ever you do Slt_Card don't click on this link. www.flubberdriver.com

Great story Card!!!!!

I can't recall any "whatever you do don't" stories. I'm gonna have to think about that.

Why shouldn't we click on the link, Scott1s?

It is a joke from a post in the golf tip forum titled "how to hit my dirver farther".

Hmmm. The only time my father used that line on me, he said something like, "Whatever you do, don't ever have intimate relations with a girl unless you're married to her."

Thanks a lot, Dad!

Well, Card, I decided to speed things up a bit too. It cost me ten years of my life. No, I didn't go to jail; that would have been a pleasure compared to the sentence I served!

My first boss gave me three bits of advice

1 What ever you do, dont 'have intimate relations ' with anyone on the payroll
2. If you must have intimate relations with anyone on the payroll,what ever you do, dont get caught.
3. If you do get caught, make sure it is female.

I'm afraid I may have led this thread in an awkward direction. However, it might serve as a cautionary tale.

Good advice, Lefty!

I have one that occurred a few weeks ago, so youth can't excuse my stupidity. My house is a single story ranch and I often climb on the roof to clean out the gutters. I have only a 6 foot A-frame painters ladder. This has alway been adequate as there is v-shaped spot in the roof in front that allows me to easily hoist myself up from the top of the ladder. One rainy day my wife & I noticed water flowing over the gutter in back outside our bedroom window in the upper left side of this picture. I figured I would just go up there and clean it out when I had the chance. There is probably a 2-3 foot overhang from the back wall. I pulled out my trusty 6 foot A-frame painters ladder, set it up in back, climbed to the top and began to "hoist" myself up. :nodsmiley About mid-hoist, as the slant of the roof pushed me away from my destination while my legs shot under the overhang , certain basic principles of physics began to flood my brain ... this was not going to end well. I tried my best to swing a leg up and gain some sort of leverage to complete my ascent, with no luck. Stuck there betwixt & between, the ladder only a fuzzy memory, I had 2 choices. I could grab and likely tear down the gutter to ease my descent or make a desperate lunge/jump to the ground. Cheap that I am, I chose the latter. It was only a 10' fall ... I landed on my back & side and there was no lasting damage except to my pride, though moving was a challenge for a few days. I did have an audience, which was nice. My wife let out a piercing scream, followed by a detailed inquiry about the status of my life insurance policy. My next door neighbor, who'd seen the whole thing said "dude, you could've borrowed my step-ladder"... and we now have a great conversation starter for the rest of my life.

don't lie to a woman. your just asking for trouble. always tell the truth no matter what the consequences.

and btw Card, I did something similar as a young lad of 9. was mowing the farm acreage with a riding lawn mower and thought I'd go up the road ditch by popping the clutch and the mower decided to keep coming up, to my chagrin, as my parents were watching from the house. I'm sure their hearts slumped and thought they may have lost their son as the mower came up over the top and flipped over. how I survived without a scratch, I'll never know, but the mower did have a crunched hood and other damage. lol.

I have many other deadly near misses and may be running out of lives. anyway, thanks God for looking out for me.

stagday

Stl,

You're story reminds me of a funny "What ever you do, don't " story, but it's not entirely my story.

Back when I was in college, I was 19 and used to work during the summers and had three jobs helping on the family farm, mowing yards, and part-time laborer at a fish farm. All the union guys at the fish farm handled the fish, my primary responsibility was mowing. They had acres to mow. However they had this one long embankment that paralled two fish beds and was about 300 yards long. One of the first days on the job, the shop foreman said mow anywhere and everywhere, just What ever you do, don't mow the hill.

I heeded his advice and left it alone for about 2 weeks. On the third week, I finally got tired of asking one of the full-timers to mow the hill and decided to give it a go. they had 3 or 4 mowers at the shop, two were hanger queens and always broke, one was the new pride and joy, and the last was an old cub cadet. The cub looked like ****, but you could run the heck out of her, so I always preferred using it.

After mowing everything else, I turned the cub for the hill without asking a soul. I had mowed enough hills to know that it helped to shift your weight to the uphill side as you went along. This hill was so steep, that I had both legs on the same side of the tractor, and was leaning out to keep the cub from spinning and sliding. I looked like I was riding an outrigger more than a mower. After about a half hour of sheer heart pounding terror, I had mowed the hill. The cub had slipped a couple times, but it all ended well.

The funny part of the story occurred about two weeks later. One of the other part-timers thought if I could mow the hill so could he. Although instead of choosing the unsightly but reliable cub, he took the new mower. It was one of those commercial mowers that is all deck and had 2 T-Bars for controls. You could steer the thing on a dime, but it was much heavier and build for mowing flat areas. He was barely 30 yards along his first pass, when he dumped the mower right into the fish bed. It was funny as heck to see the mower half submerged and him standing on top. He stood up there scratching his head, like he was contemplating backing the mower out of there.