golfrewind.com

POSITION:
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa

JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:
Many; for rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must ! have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.

Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.

that's great. So true. I particularily liked the promotion part.

You get promoted to Grandparent after about 25-30 years on the job.

That's probably the worst job ever, if you've got no chance for advancement until 3 decades into it. I don't understand why anyone would ever be a parent.

J/K my parents are lucky they've got me. :D If it was just my brother one of them would have had a heart attack by now. I'm always keeping him in check, and reminding them that he's just 15 and he'll grow out of it. I'm the mediator. What'll happen when I move out? This place would fall apart if it weren't for me.

No I'm not full of myself. Of course not.

That is a great post. I love the pack mule part. It still amazes me how much stuff it takes for 4 kids.

It is really something isn't it...I look at what my SUV looks like when we go to the amusement park and have to wonder why???

I only have the one but everything is so true.

After my experience teaching PE, I should add that the duties are not assignable to the teachers in the school system. For every parent that thinks that "their son/daughter" couldn't have perpetrated what the teacher says they did...in most cases, THEY DID.

I think a requirement to be a parent should be to spend a day substitute teaching...you'd get a whole new perspective.

Now raising a ten year old granddaughter...she is an angel and complete delight to be with. My original three at times made me envy animals that killed and ate their young. But as a granddad/father, you tend to mellow out, I think.

So true.....that is why I have two SUV's....of course I have the old broke one while the wife has the new one!

Sure, you get to send them back home and spoiled rotten at that! LOL.

I never had the experience of having my own children. Guess it wasn't suppossed to be. I have two beautiful stepdaughters though, they came into my life when they were ages 10 and 13 but I am so fortunate they are really good girls! They have great parents and the girls and I have a great relationship. The only thing I would add to a job description for a stepparent would be to honor what I call the 11th commandment: Keep thy mouth shut!

My stepdaughters are beautiful young women now, one is married and one is a fresman in college.

When I brought my pending stepmothering fears to my then soon to be husband he just told me not to worry that the girls would teach me what I would need to know. And they have!

Um, get back to us on that in about 3-4 years, wb4tjh.

Good point there Wazmankg....

I already have raised three...a daughter and two sons...my youngest son is now 31. My wife and I adopted my granddaughter before she turned three...following my daughter's sudden death. So I have had a life time of experience already at kid raising. This little one and I even have the same birthday. We have always been close and now as father/daughter, we are closer than ever before. So I know what I have to look forward to as she matures. Being retired, I take her to school...my wife still works...bring her home, supervise homework, and today, even helped her fourth grade teacher at the class Halloween party. My next project is to teach her to play golf. I plan to get her a good quality youth set of clubs for Christmas, and spring for a few professional lessons for her. I think golf will provide some more opportunities for us to be together. It IS better the second time around. I was so busy working while my own three were growing up, I know I did not spend as much time with them as I should have. I have no intention of missing anything this time. I am a very lucky man.

Your granddaughter is a very lucky little girl! I have an incredible dad, but I must confess I have been envious of the quality time my girls have had with their awesome granddad. When I would seek his advice about how to handle situations with the girls, I would sometimes be shocked by how much he had mellowed. There were times I wondered "Who are you and what have you done with my dad?" Grandparents are a wonderful treasure and it sounds like your granddaughter is rich indeed!

Grandchildren are the reward you get for not strangling teenagers.