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My 16 year old daughter has a new boyfriend. After a couple of 'boys who were friends' , I think she is now moving into the real deal. The new shotgun is on order. I think that every man's nightmare, a boyfriend that reminds him of himself at that age, is unravelling.

How do we handle this? I will fail if I try to be friends with a lad more than thirty years younger than me. The good news is that when I met him yesterday , he was clean,pleasant and looked me in the eye when we shook hands. He is a soccer coach with a professional club, coaching young kids and handicapped children. This lad sounds too good , so I'm naturally suspicious.

I trust my daughter because she has such wonderful parents , but.........

if she's 16 and he's coaching a pro club i'm guessing the age gap is considerable. i suppose that's something to think/worry about at the moment but it could also be a blessing as he may not pressure your daughter to do things most teenagers do, mostly with negative consequences. i guess the best thing to do is to let it play out and keep his address handy in case you ever need to break his legs

The possible age gap also came to mind when I first read the thread. Now, I know absolutely nothing about being a parent but I do know a thing or two about being 16 years old and about being a guy. You said you trust your daughter and if that's the case, hopefully she will make the right decisions.

I know when I was 16, there were some kids who would do anything but there were also those who were very sensible. Some will succumb to pressure, others will not. If you truly trust your daughter, she should be fine whether the guy is bad or not.

JMO.

Just assume that the young fellow is a sex fiend who has only one thing on his mind--as you did at his age--and you'll probably have a fair idea of his character. (In retrospect, I'm surprised that the fathers of the girls I dated didn't just kill me on sight.) On the positive side, he may be a honorable sort who will never do anything without your daughter's complete cooperation and will not misrepresent his feelings for her.

The best approach is to be cordial but mildly distant with just a hint of madness in your eyes, giving the unsettling impression to the young man that you just might be capable of nearly anything in defense of your daughter's honor. Good luck.

I'd say it's no big deal. Don't be overprotective of your daughter. If the guy is her age, he's an exceptional guy and you should be proud of your daughter's wonderful decision-making skills. If he's older, think about how much older. Personally I can't date women more than a year younger than me. It just seems like pedophilia when the thought even enters my head. So if he's 2 or 3 years older than her then I'd keep an eye on him.

Good Luck!...My daughter is 13 and I am starting to feel the pressure...had a friend who had daughters that were about the same age ask him how he coped with his kids dating said just include them in the family outings all worked out fairly well...


Andy

This is good advice. Mine is now 18 and I've gone through this experience more times than I care to remember. Get to know him, show interest in his life and activities(ie; 3rd degree.. but be nice about it). This is something that fathers of daughters don't want to hear, but by 16, they are responsible for their own "honor" and generally take the position that their "honor" is no longer any of our business. I feel your pain Lefty... Good luck !


P.S. - Take this with a grain of salt, only you know your daughter, but I've found that there is somewhat of a corelation between how much I like the guy and how quickly she dumps him , so be careful in how you share your opinions about him with her.

I am sure your daughter will do the right thing sounds as though you and your wife have bestowed in her values that she will use to make the correct decisions.

When my daughters were that age I found that it was not best to try and be friends with the young men that came to our home to date my daughters, keep that hint of a threat in your eye works great to keep things right.

I can remember one time my that my daughters had a party at our home I was watching movie, my wife said she heard several of the football players say they would love to come in the house and watch the movie. One of them commented that they would but Mr. K was there and you just did not mess with Mr. K because I think he is an x-marine DI with a real bad temper and look in his eye that when you shook hands with him he gave the feeling oh-boy fresh meat. Had a good laugh about that one just never thought I gave my daughters boyfriends that kind of feeling?

If my third (that is on the way and due to make an appearance in May) is a girl, I will have all my firearms out on the table and cleaning them when he comes over for the first time. To top it off, I'll wear my brother's Marine utilities to add to the effect.

He is 17 , so the age difference is not a problem.

Thanks for your support , the mad look in my eye will be worked on, but ultimately ,I just have to trust her and do that most difficult thing...nothing.

You need to have the Mrs. yell out to you when the young man is at the front door next time...that "you forgot to take your medication for schizophrenia and we know how that makes you" - LOL

Ultimately that is what you have to do show her that you do trust her to do the right thing and that will build a better relationship between the both of you that will out last all the boyfriends.

I'm too young for grandchildren

Another item in your growing list of things that are completely out of your hands now.
Welcome to the club, Lefty.

Why would you need to break the other two legs?

My daughter is 5 today. Luckily my wife was a peer counselor in sexuality while she was in college. The plan is to get poster sized pictures, or make a PowerPoint presentation for her. "And here we have genital warts...." And so forth.:nodsmiley